so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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