i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
