There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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