I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
