i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
