mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
