I think my vagina is haunted
You can't motorboat a personality
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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