Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
