I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
i think im in europe. pls send help
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