your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
