I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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