All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
