I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
