just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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