we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
