He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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