I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
she looked like the before picture.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
