Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
