Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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