On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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