Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
