i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
