She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
