We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
