I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize