Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
