First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
