Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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