I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
