I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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