the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
