Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
