I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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