I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
