A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
