i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
