Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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