yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
