Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
