Jerry, you need to find god
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
