Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
