I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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