being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
