Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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