I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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