You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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