By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
