i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You ruined the universe
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
