I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
