All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
