dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
are you so shy because you have an std?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
