i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
