I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize