Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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