THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
