I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
