if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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