Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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