Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
