Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
