why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
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