Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
why do cheetos always look like penises
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
