Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Randomize
