saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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