Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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