im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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