On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
