wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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