Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
